elsa.

let it go. the one phrase people always says to me when my head is about to explode over just about anything. the thing to remember is that with my bipolar disorder, my brain is unable to correctly select an appropriate emotion when it comes to highs and lows. things that seem small or insignificant in your world could create fault lines in mine. let it go. a phrase people always says to me when my head is about to explode over just about anything. a phrase i undoubtedly always roll my eyes to when i hear it.

today i got into a major confrontation with a coworker. and while it happened nearly twelve hours ago, my blood could still boil pasta. i loathe confrontation. i absolutely cannot stand the way it makes me feel. the anxiety. the reactions. the desperate grasp at the right words. the feelings. i absolutely hate all of it. but what i hate even more is the post confrontation moment, when you unload it all onto the people you love most; and that dreaded phrase surfaces. let it go. okay, but for real- who the fuck are you? elsa?! last time i checked, she was still killing it over in arendelle; so step off.

i am here to tell you that you don’t have to let go of anything. not today. not tomorrow. not next week. i am not a fan of grudges but man do i hold em’. but you have the right to be human, hold onto the hate, anger, frustration, disappointment or angst that just landed on your plate. you have the right to take a look at it, run your proverbial fork through it, sift through it, chew on it and when you are ready [and only when you are ready, not everyone else]- scrape your plate & keep it moving. you do not owe anyone an elsa moment. keep your let it goes for balloons, ex boyfriends, shitty friends & ugly bridesmaid dresses. let it go belongs to the shit you don’t need. and we all need to feel the way we feel. we need to process. we need to understand. and we need to know how to handle it the next time it happens.

don’t let someone tell you it is time to let it go. your heart knows best & when it’s time to pull a ‘greatest princess of all time’ move, you’ll know. so until then- feel it. understand it. move through it. because when we let it go too soon, it comes back like a boomerang.

xo, alix