mess.

i am actively a mess. i would say hot mess but i feel like i fit into the ‘sweaty because it’s hot’ mess category. what do i mean by mess? oh girl. everything is messy. my laundry has literally sat in the dryer for the last five days and i just keep hitting the ‘wrinkle’ feature and hope my husband doesn’t have an important meeting; because it’s all his work shirts in there. if you open my fridge, you’ll find all of my leftovers in plastic wrap and foil because i decided to purge all my tupperware in my great ‘let’s get rid of everything you own phase’ which lasted twenty four hours and now i have no tupperware. the pharmacy keeps leaving me aggressive voicemails to refill an inhaler i no longer use but i don’t have the time to call tina back {okay, okay, i have the time i am just too much of a mess to do it}. my to do list has literally had ‘put toothbrush holders in dishwasher’ on it for at least four years now but here we are. i got so annoyed with the fitted sheet over the weekend that it is literally in a ball in my hall closet. the four hundred wedding photos i printed to make an emotionally beautiful album are still stuffed in shutterfly envelopes in my fruit bowl and i got married seventeen months ago. the dog food i ordered arrived three days ago but i haven’t moved it in from the hallway. i buy strawberries every time i go to the grocery store and they sit in my fridge til i have to throw them away. i constantly tell myself i will slice them up and eat them but i never do. i am on my fourth planner of twentyeighteen. no seriously. i lost one in march, ya know, just causally three months into using it. and the two replacements i bought both ended in the month i bought them. so here i am using this massive planner that will carry me into the apocalypse. but the fact is, no matter how many lists i make or how many things i have to do; i am still a mess.

i guess what i am trying to say is:

{one}• if you related to absolutely none of this, you are not human. even chrissy teigen admits to being a mess. part of being human is the being messy part. as i write this, i can tell you that i am on my third hour of being awake and in that time i have been giving myself a hard time about this blog. because let’s face it, i am a twenty nine year old sitting here wide awake in the middle of the night trying to deliver the message that it’s not that serious. life. life’s not that serious. and since my life is messy and i probably will go a week without writing, i just have to remind myself that i am human. that’s a quality we all share. it’s something we can all relate too and use as our reasoning for being a mess sometimes.

{two}• your mess matters. when i look at my mess, i think to myself ‘if you told somebody that this was what stresses you to the core, would they look at you and think ‘but what about the kids without clean water in africa bitch’?’ probably. but either way. my mess is my mess. and if it stresses me, it stresses me. it matters. what i am going through or dealing with or working through; it all matters. your mess is important, significant, worthy of being talked about. it exists and therefore it matters.

{three}• just because it matters doesn’t mean it gets all the attention and all the focus. sometimes you need to take a step back from your mess and admire what isn’t looped into it all. appreciate that the shirt you wanna wear to work is hung up and clean. be thankful that there isn’t a line at starbucks. give a little love to the spirits that you made it through that yellow light that would’ve made you late to work {which is basically the story of my actual life}. your mess is your mess and it’ll be there. make sure you take a break from mopping it all up to live.

{four}• being a mess doesn’t make you less. in fact, there really isn’t anything that makes you less of a person or a human or worthy of love. we are all doing our best. we are all surviving. your dirty laundry, broken faucet, overdue library book, gas tank on empty mess is just a part of being human. and honestly, it’s really just part of being a functioning one. i would be a little worried if everything was put together and spotless.

{finally}• you get to decide what makes you a mess. for me, it’s all the things that never seem to get done or look finished or get scratched off the to do list. for me, it’s anything that keeps me awake or puts me into a fog. anything that feels unsteady or uncertain. but it might be something else for you. whatever your mess is, own it. whatever your mess is, tackle it. whatever your mess is, find the best way to make sure it’s not controlling your life.

i am actively a mess. it’s not always a mental health mess. often times it’s just a regular, adult mess. and i always find my way out of it. that’s the important part.

stay messy y’all. it’s all part of being human.

xo.