one of the bigger mantras in my life right now is “it’s okay”. not only have i stopped using these words when someone apologizes {because if you have to apologize, whatever you did was not okay}; but since i am a certified hot mess, i have come to discover so many things that are actually okay. so despite my feelings about lists {ask any of my former students; lists are for people who are too lazy to write sentences}, here is a list of all the things that are actually okay:
it is okay to cry if you’re frustrated. it’s okay to buy laundry detergent just because you like the way it smells. it’s okay to use paper plates because you don’t want to do dishes. it’s also okay to stop talking to someone because they hurt your feelings. and definitely okay to not forgive everyone who has wronged you. you will find that it’s okay to just lay in your bed. and it’s still okay to not leave your house because it’s raining and your hair is perfect. or even if it’s not perfect. still okay. it’s okay to call someone out on their bullshit. it’s okay to walk away from a conversation or comment that leaves you with tears at the base of your eyelids. it’s okay to grieve the loss of someone; days, weeks, months, decades after they’ve left your life. it’s okay to listen to old voicemails. it’s okay to miss people. even the ones who only decorated your life for a few moments. it’s okay to shower in the dark. it’s okay to cry in the shower. it’s okay to make a list of things that are okay. even more okay to live off that list. it’s okay to take a break from people; especially if they are drenched in drama. nobody wants to mop up after them. it’s okay to blast your air conditioning on energy saving days. it’s okay to walk out of target with a bunch of stuff you don’t need. it’s okay to order pizza instead of cooking. it’s okay to not want to hear people’s opinions about what you’re doing with your life. you didn’t ask for their approval anyways. it’s okay to step back from a relationship to evaluate its worth. also totally okay to jump with two feet into something that you feel passionate about. it’s okay to do too much. as long as you’ve done enough for yourself. it’s okay to forget what the stars look like. it’s okay to self talk. it’s okay to read self help books. it’s okay to talk to your doctor about {insert commercial for any medication here}. it’s okay to be medicated. it’s okay to have mood swings. it’s okay to hate when people make you the butt of their jokes. it’s okay to walk away from people who make you feel insecure. it’s okay to reread your favorite book. or rewatch your favorite movie. it’s okay to eat in bed. also okay to eat before you swim. it’s also way okay to be whatever the fuck you wanna be and feel however the fuck you wanna feel. i am so serious. everyone knows someone who will respond to your feelings of sadness or anger or regret or anxiety with “it’s okay”. and most of the time, people say that because it shuts the feeling down. it is rarely out of acknowledgement or understanding. it is usually stemmed from this uncomfortable feeling in which using the words “it’s okay” will suddenly lift it all out of the way. but nah. it’s okay to be and feel. however you want. whatever you want. don’t let people steal your feelings. because that’s not okay.
it’s always okay. it’s okay to ignore the text. it’s okay to cry over a conversation that is long over. it’s okay to be mad at your situation. it’s okay. stop pushing yourself past okay when you aren’t. you know what i am talking about. when someone asks if you’re okay and you say yes because you don’t wanna seem like this mess of a human. fuck it. it’s okay to be okay and not great. it’s also totally okay to not be okay at all. what this all boils down to is this: let yourself be whatever it is you wanna be; feel however you wanna feel; walk away from whatever you wanna walk away from; say goodbye to whatever you wanna say goodbye too; welcome whatever you wanna welcome. it’s all okay.
“and in the end, everything will be okay. and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end”.
xoxo.
three:seventeen musings 