fire.

i am a full blown toddler when it comes to meltdowns. my whole body shuts down. it truly is an out of body experience that is usually stemmed by my anxiety. ya know, the thing that creates unnecessary drama because it’s a tuesday and it’s raining. yesterday i had a meltdown. everything in my life feels all consuming right now and the stars are not lining up the way i want them to and my whole situation is a gigantic pile of first world problems that are just dripping in selfishness. sometimes i can talk myself down, sometimes i binge eat oreos over the sink. other times i buy massive quantities of cute clothing off clearance racks at target and hope no one notices. but the reality is, having a meltdown is exactly what i should be doing.

being a human being is hard. and i really don’t think any level of preparedness can really change the fact that it’s hard. because we all have to experience things that absolutely suck. like overdraft fees and a four car pile up on the only route to work. or acne the morning of a big meeting. snapping the heel off your favorite pair of pumps. avocados that aren’t ripe when you want them and suddenly they are rotten. burning your casserole for dinner. or when google maps gets you lost. or breaking your nose {sorry, i had too}. being left on read by just about anyone. having friends walk out of your life. having your heart broken. getting bangs. regretting getting bangs. waiting for your bangs to grow out. waiting for your haircut to solve your problems. moving. packing to move. dealing with just about anything that costs money. losing someone. grieving someone. all of this sucks. and honestly, nothing drives me crazier than when someone tries to tell me how to feel about any of the bullshit that i just listed. being human is hard enough! i don’t need someone standing over me telling me that ‘uh, well this is life sweetheart’. um duh, thanks ‘linda’, really appreciate the reality check {side note: i don’t know anyone named linda, so don’t try to find her on facebook to tell her she’s in this post}. but in all fairness, i think we all just need to cry about it, stomp our feet, scream into our pillows, drown a large fry in barbecue sauce, eat eight oreos over the sink, take a a forty minute shower. otherwise, we are left with dealing with it silently. which really just means we have pushed it all down and later it’s going to rise to the surface on the tails of something even harder.

you were not made to be quiet. you were not made to just ‘deal with it’. being human is the hardest thing i have ever had to do. and when i’m not doing a great job at it; i let myself feel whatever i need to feel. so stop letting the world stomp all over your fire. you were not made to simmer; you were made to be a light. hell, you were made to torch cities. being human is fucking hard. don’t let other people close the book on the shit you’re dealing with.

because we can put our own fires out. when we are good and ready. and that’s when we can really rise from our own ashes.

xoxo.