a decade over. if you know me well, you know i have been aching for the end of my twenties. practically wishing them away. dreaming of thirty like jennifer garner in thirteen going on thirty. swimming with the notion that the next decade has to be better than the one that is ending. but today i came across a quote; “one day you will look back and see that all along, you were blooming”. blooming. the last decade has been about where i was planted. not about being picked. not about snuggling into the perfect bouquet. it was about growth. it was about getting here. to the right now.
the last ten years have been about blooming. all along. from my diagnosis at twenty, to graduating college, to welcoming my godson. to getting my first job, to losing my first job. from getting my second job and then losing my second job. from moving across state lines to burying my best friend. to receiving awards for teaching to absolutely failing as a teacher. from getting married to struggling to fall into the norms of being a wife. becoming a dog mom, kicking people out of my life. slowly opening myself up to new people, saying goodbye to ones who’ve been around a long time. welcoming my niece and shoving the societal norm that i have to become a mom down the drain. being a daughter but forgetting to venmo my dad money for my phone bill. saying the wrong thing or forgetting to send a text back. losing a friendship over a bad situation. losing a friend over lies. eating too much. not taking medication. over medicating. breaking my nose. crying over moving boxes. spending too much on food. getting my finances in order. journaling at two in the morning. seeing my therapist regularly. pushing back my doctoral program start date. finding friendships. weddings. funerals. vet bills. new shoes. target finds. working on my marriage. working on my headspace. working on my weight. working. fixing myself. blooming.
the last ten years have been watered by everything that has happened. good & bad. dark & bright. happy & sad. it has all been poured onto my plot; soaking into my soil; working its way through my stems. i was planted here because i could handle the storms, the brutal heat, the fog, the winds, the light breezes, the sunshine and most importantly, i was planted here because i needed ten years of growth. i wasn’t ready to bloom until now.
all along, i was blooming. slowly. through each trial, each tribulation. and here i am. preparing to say goodbye to the most defining ten years of my life. the years that helped me find myself. the years that shook me to the core. the years i drifted through hopelessness, unsure footing, wobbly paths, dark places, sky highs and deep lows. the years that showed me grace, hope, love, acceptance, grief, friendship, pain, fear, doubt and assurance. the years that brought me here. though i am still unsure of who i fully am; though i know the next set of years will truly bring definition to my soul; though i have so much more to do- the last ten years have cultivated an identity i never knew i needed.
bloom where you are planted. your roots were stuck there for a reason. to weather the storms. to face the sunshine. to fight off the weeds. life is just one big garden and your petals are crucial to its brilliance.
bloom where you are planted. it’s all part of it. and once you’re there, i think you’ll look back and realize that all along, you were blooming. and all the stuff that climbed your vines and shook your tree, were just part of your process.