self help.

i am secretly writing a self help book. no, not really. although if i did, it would be based on a true story. i am in constant self help mode. what do i mean? i mean, if barnes & noble sold a self help book titled “how to survive literally any age of adulthood without crying on your stairs, binge eating wendy’s and yelling at no one”; i would buy all the copies.

my therapist tells me i should write a book; one that details my survival of it all- life, bipolar disorder, toxic people, depression, anxiety, adulthood, crisis modes, late nights, early mornings, bad days, good days, grief, and all the layers in between. but right now, i don’t think i would be the best person offering self help. ya know, considering i spent ten dollars on froyo yesterday which was prefaced by the froyo cashier asking me how many spoons i needed and in my head i knew if i said “one”; she’d just judge me. so i said three and threw two away on my way out. which now just makes me feel like i killed some marine life because of the plastic i just wasted or whatever. see what i mean? not super equipped to be your self help guru or tour guide.

this will most likely be my last blog post of twenty eighteen; which i am sorry but it’s been like the longest year everrrr. like we had the olympics this year and everyone already forgot. that’s how long it’s been. and let me tell you something- i have decided that i am not making any resolutions. none. zero. because by january eighth, they are long gone and my old habits are back in full force. instead, for twenty nineteen, i am dedicating myself to self help. no, no, no. i don’t mean self helping others; i mean actually helping me. myself. the one i have been neglecting over the last year or six. i am not the poster child for self help; yes, maybe for buying too many clothes or for spending all your money on bagels at panera or for becoming a celebrity at your local chick-fil-a. those things i am definitely a poster child for, but self help; nah. so i have decided that i am gonna help myself to all the things that are missing right now. happiness, faith, health, fortune, sunshine. i am determined to change my current path and the thing that’s in my way is just me.

so, here’s the deal. twenty nineteen can be about whoever the hell you want it to be about. but i highly recommend taking the selfish route and making it about you. which means saying goodbye to whatever bullshit you’re hanging onto, releasing any toxic people pulling you under, kicking habits to the curb that don’t make you proud. most importantly, doing whatever absolutely one hundred percent feeds and fuels your soul. that’s what my late best friend would tell me. so that’s what i am putting out into the world right now. because we all need a little self help; and it starts with us.

merry everything. happy new year. i am gonna help myself to a fresh start; what about you?


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