sometimes.

we’ve talked about the ‘being enough’ complex, right? wow, i literally just asked that to no one and everyone. but i am pretty sure i have. it hit me tonight after doing a twenty eight hour round trip to north carolina to see my best friend; i got home after ten with my eight hundred pound suitcase and a busy week ahead. one dog had thrown up in the living room and i desperately needed to unpack because i knew i would need my dry shampoo at the six am alarm. and it hit me. a former student had reached out earlier in the week needing help on his tenth grade freedom of speech essay. i helped him write a thesis statement and formulate the first paragraph and i told him i would type up an outline for the other four paragraphs and send it to him by the end of the day. guess what? i totally forgot. and it didn’t cross my brain again until i am digging through my laundry basket scrambling for a clean bra for work tomorrow.

i immediately texted him “omgggg i am the worst teacher ever! your essay! omgggg am i too late?!” and his response was “omg ms. surber you’re not the worst teacher ever. i just needed help with the first paragraph. i was able to finish it no problem.” and that’s when it hit me. {sorry to all of you who were waiting for the ‘what hit you?’ moment about eight sentences ago} sometimes i slip through the cracks. sometimes i can’t do it all. sometimes the plate is full and it’s okay to say no. sometimes i disappoint. sometimes i am organized. sometimes i am overwhelmed. sometimes i break apart like wet bread. sometimes i can go weeks without crying. sometimes i cry over a netflix episode. but one thing i know for sure, i am always enough. even when i feel like i failed.

because let’s be honest with ourselves {you know me, i am an open book}, we owe it to ourselves to breathe a little more. okay, so what if we didn’t get more paper towels? what’s the big deal if you forgot to reply to the group text? what great hell will break loose if you’re ten minutes late to soccer practice? i am sorry but, who the fuck cares?! i know i know, we are the ones who care. we are so wrapped up in being enough. being so paper thin that we can spread ourselves so delicately across all the people in our lives. spouses, kids, parents, siblings, jobs, homes. we try to squeeze everyone’s requests and life wishes into our cracks and creases. pushing aside everything else. and when we miss something, or we are late. or we forget the birthday card. or whatever it is. we scold ourselves. we shame ourselves. we listen to that voice that is cheering for all the other teams, just not yours. we open ourselves up to the ‘you are not enough’ voice.

but guess what? at the very root; at the very heart of it all. no matter how we mess up or what gets left behind. we are enough of it. not sometimes. not every once in a while. not only on tuesdays. not sometimes. because sometimes, we aren’t our best. sometimes, we make a bad call. sometimes, we fall asleep too early. sometimes, we aren’t the best daughter, wife, sister, friend, aunt, teacher, professional, human. but whatever. because we are always enough. and sometimes, that’s all we need to hear.

so, keep being a damn good human. even if the sometimes shit happens. because sometimes, you’re gonna feel like nothing. but i am here to remind you that you are always enough of everything. even when you forget to write an essay outline.

xoxo.