one day.

i will admit, i disappeared. not like ‘poof one hundred percent disappear’ but i have definitely had to step back from my emptying my head onto the pages before me. why? oh, ya know; the comparison game was getting to me. the one where you put all of your accomplishments and goals side by side to someone else’s. often someone you don’t even know. often comparing apples and oranges. apartments and penthouses. salads and french fries. and you don’t even like salads.

i am sitting in an airport right now. after my monthly visit down south to see my best friend. i always leave here a thousand times lighter. it’s like the wear and tear of life just slides off me, like water off a duck’s back. i never compare my life to hers. we live different lives. different careers. different family dynamics. different partners. different goals and ambitions. in the nearly two decades of our friendship, i have never compared myself to her. we have always been equal, the same. we are totally unique people, joined at the soul through our friendship.

so if i don’t compare myself to the girl i have known since i wore rhinestone tees from ny and company and flat ironed my bangs and didn’t know what it meant to ‘do your eyebrows’; why do i compare myself to strangers? to literal people of the internet. to absolute nobodies of my life. probably because i am overwhelmed by life and just sink myself into other elements of ‘feeling sorry for myself’. which is proving to be rather unproductive. and i will tell you why; because i am certain that someone out there is comparing their life to mine {it’s probably amy schumer or rebel wilson because we are so much alike} but there probably is someone who thinks my life is packed to the ceiling with love and light and grace. and don’t get me wrong; it is. buttttt there’s a lot of other stuff piled to the ceiling in there too. so i hope the person who is comparing themselves to me has a major sense of humor because a lot of my life requires comedic relief. but i also think i play the comparison game because i think it’ll motivate me. which is absolutely bullshit because if you know me well, motivation is hard to come by. i am motivated by food, attention and money. how sad. but true. it’s often why i fail at things like diets or math equations. but it’s why i pursue things like the left side of the menu at my favorite breakfast place or a competitive masters program times two or an even more competitive doctoral program.

but honestly; the comparison game is doing nothing for me. it is wrecking havoc on my soul. it keeps me awake sometimes. it kills vibes and moods and all that other stuff. so i decided to start something new; a mantra if you will. humor me okay? i started waking up every single day and just saying to myself ‘one day’. just ‘one day’. as in, that’s all you’ve gotta do. that’s all anyone is asking of you. no one is asking you to map out your week or your month or your life. you don’t have to set these monstrous goals or massive responsibilities. you just have the twenty four hours planted at your feet. you just have to do right by yourself in those twenty four hours. instead of trying to lose seventy five pounds in twelve weeks; i am going to try to eat three healthier meals today. instead of doing three discussion questions in one day; i am just worrying about the one that’s due at midnight. instead of fitting all of my check in texts and calls into my ride home from work; i am going to put the windows down and blast post malone and check in with people when it works for me. one day. that’s all we have to face. not the whole week. not the whole month. not the whole year, decade, century, lifetime, whatever.

it’s one day. one day at time. and in that day, you have to be kind to yourself. because the only person you should be comparing yourself to is the version of you that you wanna be. and even that version is only looking at what you can do in twenty four hours.

one day you’ll see how right i am. one day at a time boo. you got this.

xo.