people don’t change. i have spent most of my twenties trying to break apart the notion that people don’t change. i would pride myself on my naivety, shrugging anytime someone would walk out of my life and my family would say, “people don’t change”. i have always struggled with the authenticity of the phrase; particularly because over the last decade, my personal change has been dramatic. but the more time i spend working on my mental health and digging deep into my rooted past on thursday nights with my therapist, i can safely say that it is true. people do not change.
i have walked away from many people in the last decade. some by choice. some by fate. some in anger. some in regret. some had wronged me. some didn’t deserve me. some had broken my heart. but this year [the year before thirty•yikes!], i really began to understand how heavy it is to carry people around in your heart who will never change. the ones who will never stop using you. the ones who will never show up on time. or the ones who talk about you behind your back. or scream at you at work. or end your friendship with a text message. or cancel plans because they think you’re lame now that you’re married. or drop out of your wedding because dress shopping is too much. or borrow money and never give it back. or call you fat in a text message to someone else. or call you a loser in a text message to someone else. or steal your clothes. or the ones who never make plans with you so you always have to make the plans.
the hardest part about all this is realizing that these people are the ones who have been weighing you down. these people are the ones who we constantly give opportunities to prove that they won’t do it again; they won’t be late, they won’t cancel, they won’t use me. but the let down is always there because- people don’t change. and our biggest challenge is the notion of moving on. and moving on is hard because of who we have to leave behind [usually we can insert how many years we’ve known them or how we created a connection] but when you drop all that weight, all the heavy people, all the drama, all the toxicity, all the negativity and passive aggressive moves; that move forward is a helluva lot easier.
people don’t change. they really don’t. we just start to see who they really are. so keep the ones who know you, who never walk away from you, who always wish you happy birthday, keep the ones who accept the shifts in life, keep the ones who still call you, who still show up on time, who want to be there for you when life is ugly or dark or cloudy or sunny, the ones who make you feel light.
people don’t change. we were right all along to believe it. you don’t owe anyone a spot in your life, your heart or your headspace. you don’t anyone who is heavy any of that satisfaction.