i am a crier. i cry when i am mad, when i am sad, when i don’t get my way. i cry over spilled milk. cry when it rains on my parade. i cry when my feelings are hurt or when i feel like i haven’t done enough. i cry when students tell me they hate my class, even when i know it’s the fact that they hate my pop quiz and they are eleven. i cry when i disappoint someone. i cry when life is really hard. i cry when the season of life just is not fair. i am a full on crier. someone recently referred to a period of life as a season. and it really stayed with me. seasons. transitions. periods of life where things shift and move and drive you crazy and then somehow settle. seasons. my seasons look a lot like a season of binge watching netflix and a season of trying a low carb diet and a season of googling keto friendly recipes and not ever making them. and a season of dwelling on the past. and a season of trying to remember when my dentist appointment is and a season of being tired of being the friend who texts first or always makes the plans. which always leads to a season of wanting no friends because who needs drama. and that always leads to the lonely season because you have cut yourself off. so then you spend a season making new friends in the most awkward ways possible. which leads to the season of growth. ya know the one where everyone makes you feel like you’ve figured shit out. but in reality, you still call your dad to ask if you should get your oil changed. seasons. they aren’t all the same. they don’t always last as long as others. some come in hot and others leave you chilled to the bone. some are breaths of fresh air when others harden your core.
right now, the season is uncomfortable. i am not talking about how i feel about the season; i am talking about everything that’s happening in my current season is uncomfortable and straight up annoying. i am stressed and i am fat and i am spending too much money and not enough time on myself. i am doing too much with absolutely no time to do it in. i have stretched my sixty six inch frame across an eighty inch canvas which means i don’t reach all the cracks and corners and crevices. i am spread so thin that i am weak in the areas that are so desperate for attention. but this is my season. that’s the thing. i didn’t choose it. it wasn’t in a window waiting to be scooped up. nah. the universe decided that i needed this season. now. today. here. and there is a greater purpose that will be served from my knowledge of the season and all that it has to offer me.
this season will pass. there will be a warm chocolate chip cookie kinda season on the back end of this stretch of life. a cozy embrace and a fuzzy sweater season are just itching to break surface in my life. i can feel it. the tough seasons always feel like they last longer but it’s just because they are heavier. they bring more rain and clouds. the fog is dense in the uglier seasons. but once it clears, there will be another season. another shift. a change in barometric pressure and all the shitty parts of this season will fall into place.
that’s the beauty of a season. it’s here. but it’s also fleeting. it shows itself, sometimes in a cruel and unexpected way. but often times, the ugly side allows us to appreciate the beautiful seasons.
seasons. shifts in winds. transitions of the soul and mind and body. seasons. we were built for them. the universe has provided the shelter and the safe harbor. we just have to accept the season, welcome it into our lives and bravely accept the challenges that come with each season. even the best seasons can scald you or drown you. you just have to learn how to weather the changes. sunshine, rain, sleet and snow. the seasons come and they go.
take on your season of life. even if it’s ugly. even if it’s full of no call backs for job interviews or a rough time in your marriage or a car wreck or a broken nose. whether it’s a new baby or a new friend or a new house. the season is yours. own it.